I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
