Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
