Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
