i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
