oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
