and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
