I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
