Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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