I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
