I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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