why didn't you poke me back
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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