i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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