i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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