I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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