Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
