we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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