...so i touched it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize