Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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