Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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