so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
