If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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