how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
