do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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