Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you win again, gameday.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
