my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
