between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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