Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
