hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
