We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
