Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
