I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
