Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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