yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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