I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
