i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
