lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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