I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
