So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
did i just pee glitter
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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