I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
