If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
as a side note pls kill me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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