Can Purell be used as lube?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
