I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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