it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
