I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
