There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
