I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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