I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
