I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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