This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
