And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
