he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
