Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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