We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
