bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
