Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
