I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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