I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
