My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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