I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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