Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
