I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
