I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
