I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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