my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
