This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
