Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
