roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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