i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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