I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
