Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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