Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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